When Sean and I first met, my world was suddenly different. I can still see the placement of the road cones and the smell of the hot fresh asphalt that workers were laying near the hotel where I first met him. You know when people say it’s like being struck by lightning when you meet “the one?” Well, it was like that only more like being caught up in an earth shattering category 10 superstorm and pummeled by lightning and thunder and rain and sleet and then warmed by the beautiful warm rays of the sun in the center – though I could never admit it until three years later when we finally got together.
I’ve been married before, and it wasn’t the greatest. I was an inexperienced human who made decisions based on how I thought things were supposed to be, rather than what I needed – and agreeing to get married was one of those things. Thankfully I had the strength and wherewithal to extract myself, and then take a chance on my hurricane of a man.
We decided to get married a year after we started dating – my little girls had already started calling him “Daddy” and it was obvious that we were forever. It was never a question that we’d be married someday. Since the first asking (on a random shoulder of a highway in the mountains of British Columbia) It’s become a game of sorts, with Sean getting on his knees and asking me to marry him in all sorts of places – in line at the coffee shop, at the gas station, in the library, in front of the school with the kids laughing and pointing… fast forward to today and it’s been 5 years of that and we still haven’t picked a date. Our friends and family have stopped asking when the big day would be, because it became clear that we just weren’t about to choose one. He keeps asking, I keep saying yes, and life goes on.
It’s not because we don’t want to do it! I think it’s because I want to do it so BADLY that the wedding keeps getting pushed off. It’s not like last time, when I really didn’t care that much. I care. This is it. This is the one, this is for real, and I want all the important people in my life to be there, whether in body or in spirit. It just feels so BIG and IMPORTANT that it just keeps slipping to the bottom of the to do pile – “pay bills, pick up the kids, finish that job, take the dog to the vet, plan a wedding… ok maybe not that one today.”
But it’s time. Time to commit! Not to Sean (that was engraved forever in the deepest stone in the belly of the earth the day we met) but to our wedding. One way or another, we’re determined to get married in 2014. I figure a good way to start this momentous machine is to finally choose a date and start writing some vows while on my way to Australia in a few weeks. This feels like a perfect way to begin.